In my life, I have always cherished my girlfriends and our everlasting friendships.
Our friendships span from high school, university, old work friendships, and current close knit friendships, and even new friendships that arrive when you least expect them to.
Some people can choose to have a few close friends, a handful really, or they could be the kind of person who has a revolving door of friendships, either way, non- withstanding, a friendship between women can sometimes feel as close as a soul – sister connection, but as I warily learnt from a very young age, it can also sometimes be shrouded under a lucid cloud of mystery.
Female energies vary greatly, and there are many kinds of women that form little inclusive groups, a safe gathering of like minded kindred Spirits. But if we dig even further, some may describe female energy too as a delectable triple layer cake… a top layer of abundant, radiant energy, while safely protecting a middle layer of secrecy and trust, and lying beneath, a multilayered treasure trove of fear, strength , weakness and loyalty.
As a teenager, I was always open and hopeful with my female friendships, albeit a little fearful at times of being excluded, asis normal for young girls. And, although I had a happy outlook, and was quite fearless, I still was a little too trusting, often looking to be led and guided because I just wanted to be accepted and included, for I did not yet know the power I had in my own uniqueness.
For example, one summer, at the tender age of 14, I decided to test my resolve and try a new summer camping experience. So…I left my old camp behind, broke out of my comfort zone…… and dove headfirst into a sea of anonymity and pressure to make new friends in an inclusive “cool” environment.
It was a shock to say the least. I just hit a communicative roadblock, and it baffled and overwhelmed me as to why I felt I could not fit in and be accepted?
One night, after feeling completely downtrodden, I remember being coaxed to sitting in a circle, after dark, with a bunch of these mean “cool” girls of whom two were supposed to have been my “friends”.
One of these girls, the top bully, thought it would be a great idea for us 9 girls to sit in a circle and to tell each other what we really thought of one another. To have” it out”, so to speak. So we could all feel “better”. Well, these mean girls had a toxic field day telling us, one by one what they didn’t like about us, and instead of it being an “honesty” circle, it made us feel so betrayed, so ashamed, so humiliated not just about ourselves, but most of all.. it breached the very idea of what a sisterhood should feel like. We stupidly gave those girls their power that night. That summer, many spirits were broken… and mostly.. the distrust that opened up between us all.. like a fresh wound that would fester all summer long.. in a toxic haze of anger and fear, pretending that we were immune to the dark energies around us layered in fakeness.
This form of female bullying.. otherwise known as Emotional Manipulation, put me, as a teenager, in a trying emotional position as a female. I suddenly doubted myself completely…It felt like my spirit was sinking in quicksand as my eyes were constantly fighting back tears… knowing very well that I misjudged my beliefs about female friendships…perhaps not all women believed in a real sisterhood like I did? Was I was naive to think that this was possible? and frankly, did being REAL just not cut it out in the world?
Did I not cut it out in the world… out of MY comfort zone??
Some thirty years later.. after much of life’s experiences, the answers to this question comes so swiftly to me like a melody of music.. and it is a song that I beg all of you to share with your children, whether they are kids, teenagers or adolescents…male or female….
This is what my personal bullying experience TAUGHT me about MYSELF, and why I was meant to experience it so fully:
1.The universe was trying to tell me that I felt different because I WAS different.. and that experience of alienation highlighted that for me, because I was worthy of SO MUCH MORE…..
2.That I was meant to do things in my life that INCLUDE others, rather than disclude others.. because I was shown how PAINFUL alienation could be..
3.It taught me to come out of my shell, and YES, it taught me to judge my friends a little more carefully next time based on their kindness, and not whether they were cool or not.
4.It taught me that it was ok not to fit in, for it enabled me to look from the OUTSIDE IN to give me the opportunity to honor my REALNESS..not to follow the herd, but to stand on MY OWN two feet and realize MY uniqueness in this world. For no one, and I mean no one, can take away your shield of REALNESS from you… EVER….
5.And last but not least…..MY BULLIES WERE REALLY MY TEACHERS, and that they were mostly responsible, not for my self – doubt… but to help me strive for nothing but GREATNESS.
They trained me and tested me to be a better person… a stronger more inclusive person.. a person who uses their energy to shine KINDNESS … and most of all..
THESE TEACHERS TAUGHT ME THAT SOMETIMES YOU MUST EXPERIENCE DARKNESS TO APPRECIATE THE LIGHT….
And speaking of practicing inclusion….
One evening, last December, a significant experience happened to me. I was hosting a Wellness Night to a handful of women, in which I spoke about my Fitness journey to date. The evening started off light and fun, and we laughed and joked as women do about our very busy lives and how great it was to have some time out.
Then we sat a circle…and then I spoke…
Now, I had spoken about my journey before.. but this time I went into more detail…and explained how each exercise program I had taught or still participated in had healed my inner spirit in some way, and I went on explaining how and what had changed inside of me.
Somehow my openness of energy opened up a can of what I would only describe as a invisible, circular shield of safety, something pure, a soft feeling of clarity, beauty and grace. We were all still…. and as the stars sparkled in the sky, and we heard each other’s words, we all suddenly felt safely enclosed in a shield of Female Energy.
And as I was nearing the end of my talk, I felt a tingling tap on my shoulder, and a thought came to my mind….
This is what sisterhood actually feels like. It WAS real, it DID exist, and it was the universe telling me that this is what it was like to grow your circle of greatness, what the magic of Female Friendships was…a nurturing, safe Spiritual circle of delicate oneness with ourselves and the glittering vast universe.. And suddenly.. just like that.. that old painful memory of alienation, of neglect..completely flew away and disappeared up into the night sky, because a new circle had now been born…
The Holy Circle of Female Friendship…
Containing free flowing closeness…
Guiding each other to our GREATEST selves…
One circle at a time…