Today is my birthday. I’m 36 years old.
I was woken up with a warm kiss from my husband followed by wet kisses and big hugs from my son. He looked at me with his big beautiful eyes full of excitement and screamed “Happy Birthday Mama!!!”. His enthusiasm was genuine and palpable. And it touched my heart. The warm wishes were followed by the presentation of a card that he had proudly made accompanied by a song as he strummed his toy guitar.
My son made me feel special and deserving.
I felt like a queen. This 20-minute-morning-celebration before we started our day was so meaningful to me. It energized me and fueled me with a real sense of joy and gratitude. In the days leading up to my birthday, I found myself really minimizing this event, telling myself that my birthday wasn’t THAT important or significant. But my son’s passion and spirit made me realize, HELL YA!! I AM WORTH CELEBRATING!!
In the past, I must admit, I had never really used my birthday as a means of self-reflection. But there is something about being a mom that has motivated me to really look at myself. And like many people, although I may have the tendency to examine myself with a more critical lens, this year, I would rather focus on how I can improve, how I can grow and how I can better myself. So… I decided to put my personal goals out there, for everyone to see. These are things I am committed to working on…
1. It’s enough with the guilt already, sheesh!!!– If I’m being honest, I think I experience guilt several times a day, everyday. And although I have said that guilt is an inevitable consequence of motherhood, I am really rethinking this and wondering what purpose the guilt is serving. Guilt is crippling, guilt is consuming, guilt is exhausting and it is a wasted emotion. I am committed to reminding myself everyday that I am good enough and that I am doing the best I can as a woman, as a mother and as a wife. And if the guilt decides to rear its annoying little head, which I’m sure it will, I am going to nip it in the bud and shut it down. I’m done with feeling guilty!
2. I will push myself out of my comfort zone. I am safe. I am cautious. I like to be in control. I find it really hard to take chances and get out of my comfort zone. My son was climbing and jumping on the couch the other day and I think I told him about 10 times to be careful. I don’t want to model fear for my son. I want him to be confident and try new things and make mistakes and fail and learn from these mistakes. And as his mother, I MUST model this for him.
3. I will make my husband and my marriage a priority. I’m not trying to brag or be cheesy, but I am married to a pretty amazing guy. He is loving and supportive and hands-on. And I totally take him for granted. It’s not that I mean to do this, but the chaos of life takes over. Yes, of course my son is my priority, but I feel that in order for me to be the best mother I can be, my partnership with my husband has to be rock-solid. So even though I am exhausted at the end of the day and just want to tune-out and watch mindless TV, I am committed to connecting with my husband.
This birthday was filled with lots of love. And I am truly grateful and appreciative for the life that I have.
I wish myself a year filled with more date nights, less guilt and of course tons of wet kisses from my little boy.