My orgasms are not as strong as I would like them to be. What can you suggest?
Ah… the elusive orgasm! While we have spent the last few weeks in this blog discussing issues of a more serious nature, I would like to leave our readers, for the holidays, some fun tips!
Firstly, orgasm depends on a number of things. Level of desire, level of relaxation, as well as psychological space. Most people are able to have stronger orgasms at times of calm and connectedness to themselves and their partners.
With that considered, orgasm is about sexual energy. In its most basic form, the energy builds, and then is released. Many manuals can give you techniques on building up the energy, and a plethora of suggestions on how to increase pleasure. I would like to suggest something that is less focused on specific techniques, but rather on the connection aspect, that in today’s world of fast food sex, sometimes gets missed. Borrowing from meditation and tantric practice, let’s explore how to increase the strength and sensations of orgasm.
It was a dear friend who succinct this perspective for me; orgasm can be heightened by the concentration on 3 things: breath, sound and movement.
During sexual expression, breathing is very important! But the breath I am referring to is deep inhalations from the diaphragm, and not the shallow breaths we are used to doing throughout our hurried and busy daily lives. During sexual expression, try to take a few
S-l-o-w and deep breaths.
Concentrate on bringing the air up from your belly, and not your chest. The deep breathing helps to slow down the pace, relax you more, and move the sexual energy in your body.
Sound is also important.
Many of us have seen films where girls are screaming incessantly. This is not the kind of sound I am referring to, but a few moans and groans can go a long way to moving the sexual energy around. Some people may feel self-conscious about moaning, but if asked, most partners would agree that this is a turn on to hear. Not only is it usually a formal acknowledgement of pleasure being experienced, but also a way to help heighten the sensations and bring them to the next level. Most exercise enthusiasts will tell you that a release of sound helps keeping them to push forward. Sexual expression of course, is no different.
I think sometimes we may forget that moving your pelvis during sexual expression is a natural part of the dance. During sexual arousal, there is a rush of blood that moves to the genital area, and most people move their pelvis in response to this sensation. Plus, we also naturally move our pelvis’ towards our object of desire. These pelvic movements also help to circulate the sexual energy in your body and contribute to deepening and heightening the sensations. Do the dance.
So the next time you are sexually engaged with yourself or a partner, try to be mindful, if only for a moment, of these three areas: breath, sound and movement. All together they should deepen your experience, connect you more to yourself and your partner, and push those orgasmic sensations beyond.